The following journal excerpts were written in Cahuita, Costa Rica on Monday, May 16, 2005:

7:41 am

I saw some hummingbirds earlier. I was chilling in a hammock. Senses fully awake:

• Sight – the palms, sky, clouds, morning sun
• Hearing – the crashing ocean waves, birds chirping
• Taste – the salty air
• Smell – the sea air again, the plant life
• Touch – the feeling of the slightly damp hammock against my back, the light breeze, warm sensation of sun on skin

I imagine this is how it’s like on the beaches of Thailand, Bali, etc. I am reawakened to the possibilities of life, travel, community, humanity, compassion, companionship, love, laughter, present moment, awareness. So much to take in. An assault on the senses. One can only surrender and breathe it all in. Tactile – touch – important in travel and exploring. Grab the earth, take off your shoes. Feel, experience.

….And me? I’m working, though, reminded of unfulfilled time in the world, backpacking – freedom, independence, experience, trials, stories, camaraderie, and wanderlust. You only live once. I’ve yet to meet someone who has regretted their time off. Traveling, seeing the world. As I told Wes, I feel myself – inner core – self-esteem – strengthening with each day of this trip. I will follow through. Things are just as they are supposed to be. No need to rush, rushing creates anxiety, undue suffering. I am building a spiritual practice to sustain me, strengthen my core beliefs. The prospect of long term travel, discovery, so exciting. Life is impermanence, ever-changing. To travel long, will too end. I should not be afraid that it would. Life is about the journey, not the destination. So are all experiences, relationships. Grasping, clinging, leads to undue suffering. Mindfulness, awareness, recognition of this happening is my practice at work. Suffering is human, cannot be avoided, however through practice, can be avoided.

Breakfast was a big plate – 2 scrambled eggs, slice of cheese, slice of ham, slice of tomato, 2 pieces of toast, rice/beans, OJ and coffee. I wrote all this at the restaurant.

It routine a bad thing? Cahuita is wonderful, would more than two nights here lead to routiness, or lack of the same level of stimulation I am currently experiencing? These questions are ok to ask, though, I have to be careful not to allow anxiety to result. Anxiety about whether I stay or go. It would serve no purpose. I will have to decide when to go anyways, why worry about, why worry I can make a wrong decision. There is no right or wrong decision. I trust myself, and therefore the decision I make will be the right one – regardless of which direction it sends me.

I think there is condensation under the plastic face of my watch. I need to take a crap. Ants run on the tile floor, so busy, fast, and small.

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