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This is a guest post by Emily Callaghan. If you want to guest post on Go Backpacking, please read more here.
Telo in Argentina
French guys in America. English guys in Spain. Spanish guys in France. Argentinians in well, Argentina.
Traveling, among other things, is about hooking up.
Are girls sluts if they sleep around? (Don’t answer that.) Are they tramps if their repertoire includes people of other languages, countries and cultures?
Absolutely not. In my opinion, they’re resourceful.
I should clarify what this “hooking up” business is, exactly. Not until I was abroad did I realize that I had a PG-rated conception, and so I’m using the term as such. Hooking up in my eyes was making out. Anything past that was, well, something past that. “Yeah dude, I totally hooked up with Roberto in the middle of the dance floor last night,” I told Caroline, a hostel roommate.
“You WHAT?”
Come to think of it, I’ve gotten more strange looks than I’ve deserved over the years.
I shouldn’t over-generalize. Some people are committed (maybe even faithful), celibate, or unlucky at gettin’ lucky. And just like there are things that single or promiscuous people miss out on by not settling down with one individual, those who don’t engage in the said hooking up while traveling are missing out as well.
Hooking up, in my eyes, is learning.
Traveling, and living in hostels, is life in fast-forward. People are constantly coming and going, which has its pluses and minuses, but knowing you have just two coinciding days with some 28-year-old Australian may make the seven year age gap less off-putting as you consider the question, “what’s the worst that can happen?” and rationalize, “I’ve got no time to waste.”
It’s the perfect opportunity for trial-and-error; a chance to do things that are far less appealing when involving a co-worker or classmate whom you’ll see come Monday. And how much about the world will you learn from someone who lives in your neighborhood compared to a member of the opposite sex from another country.
Impotence Warning in Brazil
The benefits extend past the obvious. Hooking up removes a wall and opens a door. Let the knowledge flood in.
There’s nothing like the insight gained laying side-by-side in a twin hostel bed on pilling sheets after sleeping with a Brazilian, hearing mumbled Portuguese/Spanish about how they haven’t felt so relaxed since they found their pet monkey after it escaped from their Copacabana balcony to a playground when they were twelve years old.
It sparked my interest. A month later I found myself in that very part of Rio de Janeiro with an Israeli who taught me how to cook shakshuka and to let my “independent girl” guard down.
I spent a few hour-and-forty-five-minute blocks of time in “telos,” more or less sex hotels which are a cultural staple, with a Buenos Aires native. I learned of idioms and local bands. I took two-hour local buses to his suburban neighborhood – somewhere I would never visit had I not “known a guy.”
I’d rather hear of childhood memories and be shown around by a local than read the “culture” and “where to go” sections in the Lonely Planet guide book, and I think most people would concur.
Considering the experiences, the language, the stories and the cultural understanding that come with it, I think all who have done so have to agree that traveling wouldn’t be traveling without hooking up.
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Emily Callaghan is currently writing a book on the topic of her former study abroad program vs. living in a foreign country and learning through foreign boys. She writes a regular column for The Smart Set, and is the Editor of Table Matters.
41 Comments
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Stephanie
This reminds me of a friend of mine from London who used to talk about her “passport of love.” You got a “stamp” for every nationality you made out with. I think she was trying to collect them all…
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“Passport of love” has to be the cheesiest description yet! I've also heard it described as collecting flags, and there is a “club” for all 7 continents.
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Does that mean you have to hook up with a penguin? or maybe just someone IN antarctica would do the trick…
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Sounds like a dreadful reality TV show…Next week on 'Passport of Love!!' Interesting post. More pics, maybe a video? he he. Have fun!
Blake / TBD
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I'm all for making “friends” but if you're in a hostel, at least be in a private room. Folks in the other 7 beds don't want to hear the language of your love conquest.
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How about someone on your Antarctica cruise ship. I think that'd count too.
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I agree, and I realized on my RTW trip that I was getting a bit old to be kicked out of bed to make way for lovebirds in the adjacent bunk. Unless I'm one of the love birds. Then somehow it matters less what other people think. :)
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DDR
passport of love – yeesh. no offense, but yeesh. Then again, when i was abroad in france, i used to have roomates who shared a google map amongst themselves and “tack” every country for the girls they made out with. But it was an exclusive, guys-only map. Long live 21st century and technologies!
i've been couchsurfing a lot more than hostelling, and can imagine how unpleasant it would be if one has to make way for lovebirds. Like you said, Dave, also getting too old for this…but if its me, its like, meh!
It is definitely a way to get to know people- thats how my own stay in brazil got so awesome fun during some weekends- but it does sometimes conflict with certain cultures (certainly my own asian values kick in sometimes and this article would definintely be on the edge of blasphemy if presented in certain places).
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Kirsten Alana
I say, sign me up.
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Haha, yeah getting to know the locals (or – the Sri Lankan beauty I met in Oktoberfest – not) is a great way to pass the time, and get stories, and continue on journeys – the whole reason I went to Sweden was because I met a girl in New York. Nothing happened in terms of “hooking up”, but she should get a job with the Swedish tourist office, she was so welcoming!
I did have a bit of a ban when travelling around South East Asia, largely due to the reputation and me being a stereotypical arse, but apart from that I'm pretty open in that aspect on travelling.
Well….beggers can't be choosers, can they?
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[...] just finished reading an interesting article that discusses the merits of the ‘travel hookup.’ The author, Emily Callaghan, brings to light something that anyone who has had one of these [...]
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All I can say is amen sista! Couldn't agree with you more. :)
My “hook ups” though have always led to longterm relationships…
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The old tack and map approach to plotting one's worldwide exploits!
Thanks for stopping by Rita – hope to see you 'round these parts again soon.
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“ban when traveling around SE Asia?” How does that work!?
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I didn't sleep with anyone.
I missed a bunch of jabs, so I was running the risk which I wanted to minimize. So I kinda made myself undesirable
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ha, my mate had 40+ flags after running a backpacker bar in London. He wasn't impressed with just that though. As he put it when discussing flags, “mate, I've been to every state in America…twice!”
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Hey Ben – that's a lot of flags!
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Devin
Most people consider a queen size bed to be a sufficient enough space for two people to sleep on. There is enough room for both to have their own “space” and not be crowded. Queen sized beds generally have enough dimension and is most likely the reason for their popularity. One of the biggest mistakes of all times is when a couple buys a bed and didn't take dimensions into consideration. Many squeeze into a full size bed and end up miserable after a short period of time.
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Most people consider a queen size bed to be a sufficient enough space for two people to sleep on. There is enough room for both to have their own “space” and not be crowded. Queen sized beds generally have enough dimension and is most likely the reason for their popularity. One of the biggest mistakes of all times is when a couple buys a bed and didn't take dimensions into consideration. Many squeeze into a full size bed and end up miserable after a short period of time.
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Most people consider a queen size bed to be a sufficient enough space for two people to sleep on. There is enough room for both to have their own “space” and not be crowded. Queen sized beds generally have enough dimension and is most likely the reason for their popularity. One of the biggest mistakes of all times is when a couple buys a bed and didn't take dimensions into consideration. Many squeeze into a full size bed and end up miserable after a short period of time.
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your momma
spemily callaghan, you are the woman that i have grown to love since 2006, and i will live vicariously through your sexual conquests as i am inexplicably tied down. GO GET EM TIGER
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Patrick
The twin full bunk bed was manufactured to contain a twin mattress on top and a larger, full sized mattress below. The top bed is great for children who love to explore, climb up and pretend they are in a loft or spaceship, or maybe even a spooky lighthouse. One of the best things about these kind of beds, is there is plenty of room for sleepovers.
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Hi Stephanie, I've never heard of “passport of love”, but I call it Flagging. Hook up with a foreigner, you get their “flag”. Only sovereign countries count though, no states…
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Just to clarify *I* didn't invent the passport system. I think it's really just a way to “organize your flag collection.”
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Stephanie, if you can think of any other names for “flagging”, post a comment on our forum.
http://www.flaggingheadquarters.com/forum -
Ignatius
Great article! She has a great point- traveling is about meeting new people, experiencing a difference culture, unique memories… What better way to learn Hebrew, Romanian, Indonesian, etc? It's refreshing to hear this from a woman's point of view. Just remember to reciprocate for visitors to your home country!
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Great article! She has a great point- traveling is about meeting new people, experiencing a difference culture, unique memories… What better way to learn Hebrew, Romanian, Indonesian, etc? It's refreshing to hear this from a woman's point of view. Just remember to reciprocate for visitors to your home country!
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I have a friend who is working her way through every county in Ireland.
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Hi Emily,
As a Paris man who recently spent time travelling in California, well, I can certainly agree that the lure of a foreigner with natives is something to take advantage of. It's a win-win situation, where each gets to know the most interesting cultural specifics of the other, in fast forwards!!
And yes, a woman can and should be free with her desires and her body. In fact, I think it's a mark of self-confidence that a woman break free of undesirable social pressure and do what she wants, when she wants, whereever in the world she wants!
Cheers to that!
Alex-
Emily C Callaghan
Thank you, Alex!
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Mike
here in david panama we have a lot of hooking up in the dorms but it is not encouraged and couples have been asked to leave if too loud http://www.bambuhostel.com or if you need a cheap flight anywhere http://www.airtech.com
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Many thanks for taking the time to discuss this, I feel strongly about it and love learning much more on this subject. If possible, as you gain expertise, would you mind updating your website with far more details? It is extremely helpful for me.
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Seks Strony
Great post, until it was pleasant to see him. Thank you.
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Ubber entertaining post girl–and SO true!! I won’t get into details, but I can say my repertoire has been spiced up with, umm, much variety after I started traveling. And “I found myself in that very part of Rio de Janeiro with an Israeli who taught me how to cook shakshuka and to let my “independent girl” guard down”!? <– OMG, SAME happened to me (but in a kibbutz in Northern Israel instead)!!!
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Ubber entertaining post–and SO true!! I won’t get into details, but I can say my repertoire has been spiced up with, umm, much variety after I started traveling. You learn about many things, but especially you really get to know yourself like u never would back home. Honestly, sampling like that allows u to truly know what u want…and some things u wanted u never even knew “existed”!! And it is not necessarily about having sex with every nationality on Earth–sometimes just some cuddling, kissing and playing can teach u much more =)
And “I found myself in that very part of Rio de Janeiro with an Israeli who taught me how to cook shakshuka and to let my “independent girl” guard down”!? <– OMG, SAME happened to me (but in a kibbutz in Northern Israel instead)!!! -
Chris
Love this. Huge proponent of hooking up while traveling.
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Hey Chris, thanks for reading. I can’t think of a better way to learn about the local culture!
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e
hey i like this post a lot, and i certainly love hooking up abroad.. but i have one question – how do you make sure you’re being safe? i’m a trusting person and like to think that if someone says they’re disease-free they know that they are, but i doubt my middle school Health teacher would be proud of such naivete… any thoughts?
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I think this is an issue we all have to deal with regardless of where we are in the world. I think you lessen your chances of running into problems if you spend some time getting to know the other person first, versus jumping in bed with them right away. Get them invested, and I think there’s less chance you’ll be given false information. But there’s always the chance the person was unaware of a problem in the first place.
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This post reminds me of a friend who is proud of her ‘united nations’ line up of men! LOL. She is happily married now and good for her she ended up with a childhood friend who had a secret crush on her.
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I think guys tend to brag about it more, but I’m sure foreign romances are just as exciting for the ladies as they are for the guys.
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